i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
40s are totally the cure
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
