why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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