Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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