I want to have your abortion
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
