This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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