So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
