Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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