So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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