kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
