I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
