fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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