420 ftw
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
