i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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