I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
