He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
