The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
