remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
