I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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