Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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