so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
