I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
