I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
