so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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