So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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