you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
