when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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