i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
