The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
