We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize