Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
