You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
