Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize