this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
