I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
