Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
