The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
