He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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