two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
