if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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