Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
