Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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