Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
