everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
