I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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