she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
