but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
