Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
