I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
