I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
