So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
