Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
