do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
