Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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