This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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