Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
