its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
