I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
