I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
