if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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