the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
