is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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