Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
