A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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